I have always shared dinner with strangers. My habit of eating with strangers probably started in the elementary school cafeteria and has continued in many schools, coffee shops, restaurants, bars, airports, and festivals around the world throughout my life. I am that person who strikes up conversations and is truly interested in what is said. Annually at Epcot Food and Wine Festival, an environment that is all about sharing tables and stories while you stand and eat and drink, it occurs to me that eating with strangers was one of things I like best about the festival. Outside of the food and wine, talking with people from all over the country and world is really interesting. You hear it all. It takes me back to traveling across New Zealand in a tour bus, to my favorite coffee house in grad school, to the many restaurants and bars where staff and regulars have become my friends.

What have I learned over years of having dinner with strangers?

There is tremendous power in sharing stories.

At Food and Wine a few weeks ago, I spoke with an English family whose 18 year old daughter was preparing to become a police officer in their small English town. They visit Disney World every year, and have done so since their daughter was a little girl. When we started to talk, they mentioned their daughter had just graduated. I asked her about her plans. The daughter explained that she had completed exams and interviews necessary to begin her police cadet training process. When we share our stories, we begin to see each other more clearly, we start to understand that our similarities and differences are strengths, and eventually we can solve conflicts more peacefully.

I learn from eating with strangers.

Because I have been reaching out for years, I have a long list of what I have learned from strangers. I have learned about the value of travel. I have learned that other countries eat with strangers more frequently then we do in the United States. I have learned that I am not alone or unique in many of my fears and struggles and joys and desires. I have learned about generosity. I have learned my opinion is not the only one. I have learned that different opinions can be a great thing.

Eating with strangers stretches my friendship muscles.

We have friendship muscles. We have friendship muscles that must be exercised to create kindness, understanding, empathy, and compassion in our world. There is a direct relationship between friendship muscles and imagination, creativity, and even innovation. Eating with strangers allows us to hear and experience different ways of being other than our normal, typical, and routine way of life. Normal a grows to include more people when strangers eat together.

I only regret the conversations I don’t have.

There have been times when I have not pursued conversations. Often when I have not talked to others it is because I have had a bad day, or I am in a hurry, or because I just simply don’t want to engage. (Sometimes, I don’t talk because I get a weird feeling from the person, but that is rarely the case.) I think back on missed conversations and I wonder what stories I would have heard, what opportunities might have been presented, or what lessons I could have learned. Regret is a strong word, but I think it fits here. Because reaching out truly is the bedrock of our interconnectedness that is too easy to forget in our busy lives. I regret disconnecting from my interconnectedness.

A large circle is better than a small one.

It all boils down to the fact a large circle is better than a small circle. More friends are better than less. Bridges are better than walls. Kindness is better than distance. The more we reach out the more common reaching out becomes and our circle widens. A wider circle makes us kinder and wiser. A wider circle makes us less fearful and hopeless. A wider circle creates justice and peace. Justice and peace thrive in an environment where we know each other. We are simply better when we know each other.