Everyone is bald underneath their hair.

– Susan McHenry

I wrote an apology blog post after a break up a few years ago. It was a peace offering after I stopped wanting to spit tacks in the eyes of the man who had broken my heart. Heart breaks are awful, but I think that post was my way of thanking him for seeing me: for the gift of being seen during our time together. He always said I shined. I don’t often feel shiny, so it was nice to hear those words. Being seen feels good.

Being seen and being direct are related in that are born of honesty and care. Being seen is pretty straightforward. No games or illusions. It looks like open and honest communication. It looks like intimacy. It can taste bitter or sweet and sound like rejection or acceptance. Being seen means we embrace our wholeness in ways that validate our emotions and allow us to feel safe enough to feel through them. Being seen by others is a true gift. Creating ways for us to know and see ourselves: to connect with all that we are inside is a true gift. When we are seen and allow ourselves to see, and sense with every fiber of our being, that is a true gift. That was the message of my thank you note years ago. It took me about a year to find the words.

I have since been through more break ups. I have practiced being seen and seeing and being direct. I have gotten better at understanding directness from others. I have definitely become more comfortable with the directness of seeing and being seen. Not that I have ever really held myself up as the picture of together perfection, but I think I am gentler in my understanding of the fact that, at our core, we are all bald and beautiful and just trying to figure it out.