“The magic of the street is the mingling of the errand and the epiphany.” 

Rebecca Solnit, Wanderlust: History of Walking

We live between the errand and the epiphany. Let me explain. We live between the have to and the get to, work and rest, the what is and the not yet, and acceptance and transformation. Experiencing real magic — the magic of the street — is understanding that paradoxical middle space where fear, joy, anger, and love occur. To be awake to the holiness of a chore. To be awake to the sacred capacity of our actions. To be awake to the gift of revelation and celebration.

I look for magic. I know that I must open my eyes and heart to find magic. That is the soft and gentle love that I seek. Resolutions are guideposts towards magic. There is no magic without wonder, and there is wonder in stating a heart’s desire to the universe with absolute vulnerability. There is wonder in working on what matters with fierce courage. In that way, resolutions are a conversation between a chore and an epiphany. 

What I Learned

I am seeking to build positive habits in three areas of my life — health, work, and spirit. My husband and I established a habit contract on January 1, 2024. This week was the first week of my accountability experiment — blogging about my progress toward building better habits. I am now calling this Weekly Wide-Awake section “What I Learned” rather than my previous title, “Habit Tracking.” I think calling it “What I Learned” is a more holistic, qualitative, and reflection-focused way to recount my progress while being accountable for reporting my weekly results. In this frame, the results are more like insights. That seems gentle, honest, and right to me.

Putting on the shoes is the hardest part.

The universe, brain, and life conspired to make even the first week difficult. Events, a house guest, health stuff, and the holiday speed of my spirit all worked against a strong start. I know that is how life works. Is there ever a perfect time for change? Really? That is why I often fail to start. If I don’t start, I don’t fail. This time it’s different.

Making sense of a slide before you even start.

When I sat down and began to discuss Week 1 with my husband, I quickly understood the picture was bleak. By each measure we had established in our contracts, I had failed. I had accomplished some things, but overall, I had failed. This initial conversation served as a moment of accountability and recalibration. It also ensured my resolve to make sense of failure from the beginning and ultimately build better habits.

Doing it anyway.

I refuse to hang up my cleats after Week 1 because it did not go well. Action brings clarity, and putting in the work yields results. I also know the vital role reflection and modification play in learning what works. There is a philosophical element to being someone who sees things through. There is nothing about quitting Week 1 that indicates I see things through. Addressing all-or-nothing thinking. Chiseling the marble slowly and deliberately to craft an angel. Moving small rocks to build mountains. Living gratefully and gently. That is how next week will be better than the last. 

Paying Attention

In alignment with my 2024 Word of the Year — presence, I will point out a few things to which I have paid attention. I could also call this a gratitude list. I could also call this a list of ordinary everyday miracles. I could call this a list of things that make me think. Things will include books, podcasts, music, art, poetry, and others that catch my eye.

1. Weekly Wide-Awake: Desperate for Magic, Ready for Love
2. Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert
3. What To Do When It’s Your Turn, Seth Godin
4. Counting Her Minutes, Kate Bowler
5. Send In The Clowns, Stephen Sondheim

Weekly Wide-Awake: Between Errand and Epiphany

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