Spill. Forgive. Love. Praise. Rest.

EXERCISE 026: DIVINE

Spill the tea

Make yourself a cup of tea. Tip the cup so the tea spills (wherever: table, sink, floor, sidewalk). Describe what the tea looks like as it’s spilling. Reveal a secret about yourself

I am going to spill some tea. My best friend since we were 14 — the woman who I stood beside and who stood beside me at our weddings, my ride-or-die through travels and years — broke up with me two years ago. I don’t remember the exact facts, exactly. Today, they don’t feel all that important. They have faded into a blur and haze and fog of who cares about right or wrong, guilt or innocence, good or bad. The only thing I know for sure is that we probably understand the situation differently. I have kept this loss a secret, mostly. I have such shame about losing her. I am deeply sad she is not in my life. I am profoundly embarrassed that my best friend burned our friendship to the ground. “Only awful people piss their best friend off so much that they would rather live life without them than repair the situation and heal.” (Says the voice in my head that I have heard for years.) Ironically, she teaches communication at an Ivy League school and broke off communication with me. That’s pretty bad when even an expert communicator kicks you to the curb. The tea spilling looks like missed birthdays and milestones. The tea spilling looks like not being able to look at my wedding album without a twinge of pain. When tea spills directly from a pot it burns the spot on which it pools. This tea still burns. This tea still burns. This tea still burns. I recently reached out to her and expressed my condolences after my husband saw a note she posted on social media about her father’s passing. Her birthday was a few days later and I her wished her well. Forgiveness is hard. Trust is hard. Seasons are all about leaves forming, falling, and then turning into soil. New life can emerge from soil.

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EXERCISE 027: UNLEARN

mercy & repair

Write a poem that forgives a wrong thing you were taught.

At some point, I learned about secrets. Secrets kept the peace. Secrets made it all easier. Secrets, like lies of omission, built fortresses of silence. Secrets kept me safe. Secrets prevented shame and embarrassment. Secrets allowed deception of myself and others. Secrets were powerful — like hammers and guns and storms. Secrets welcomed darkness. Secrets created shadows. Secrets guided decisions. Secrets sustained friendships. Secrets formed alliances. 

I forgive my secrets. I forgive my secrets. I forgive my secrets. 

It takes a lot of practice to forgive secrets. A Balinese healer once told me, “You don’t have to carry that weight.” He was telling me I don’t have to keep secrets anymore. He was telling me to lay my secrets down — to put it all down — and rest. He was telling me to love myself. Seek truth. Seek integrity. Seek stillness. 

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EXERCISE 028: SHARE THE CONTENTS OF YOUR HEART

care & protection

Write a poem in which you, or the speaker, declares at least 100 different loves.

1. I love Greg. 2. I love Tater. 3. I love Freckles. 4. I love traveling. 5. I love writing. 6. I love reading. 7. I love democracy. 8. I love state attorneys general. 9. I love La Mer. 10. I love pizza. 11. I love musicals. 12. I love poems. 13. I love my Mom. 14. I love my Dad. 15. I love Matt. 16. I love Natalie. 17. I love Emma. 18. I love Amelia. 19. I love Tara. 20. I love Kentucky Derby food. 21. I love Kentucky Derby hats. 22. I love Trish McEvoy perfume. 23. I love high thread count sheets. 24. I love big bath tubs. 25. I love Piedmont Park. 26. I love Bali. 27. I love Ireland. 28. I love Key West. 29. I love Michelin star restaurants. 30. I love Omakase 31. I love morning light. 32. I love sunset. 33. I love the Ohio River. 34. I love pasta. 35. I love amaro. 36. I love rum. 37. I love wine. 38. I love manicured nails. 39. I love yoga. 40. I love grace. 41. I love redemption. 42. I love forgiveness. 43. I love seasons. 44. I love the moon. 45. I love refurbished spaces. 46. I love public art. 47. I love living house plants. 48. I love flowers. 49. I love elastic waistbands. 50. I love bees. 51. I love butterflies. 52. I love trees. 53. I love glaciers. 54. I love fjords. 55. I love kindness. 56. I love forgiveness. 57. I love mercy. 58. I love gratitude. 59. I love cheese. 60. I love all chocolate. 61. I love cursive writing. 62. I love music. 63. I love cellos. 64. I love fiddle. 65. I love slide guitar. 66. I love Pepsi Free. 67. I love Celsius. 68. I love Etsy. 69. I love massage. 70. I love the rule of law. 71. I love civil rights. 72. I love freedom of speech. 73. I love checks and balances. 74. I love courage. 75. I love honesty. 76. I love integrity. 77. I love meandering sentences. 78. I love punctuation. 79. I love marginalia. 80. I love golden epoxy. 81. I love ripe avocados. 82. I love pears in the summertime. 83. I love watermelon in the summertime. 84. I love tomatoes in the summertime. 85. I love roots. 86. I love buds. 87. I love blossoms. 88. I love train tracks. 89. I love trails. 90. I love banjo. 91. I love Ganesha. 92. I love Dupont Circle. 93. I love birthdays. 94. I love Holiday letters. 95. I love playoff hockey. 96. I love spring baseball. 97. I love cooking competitions. 98. I love coffee shops. 99. I love food banks. 100. I love doughnuts. 

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EXERCISE 029: PRAISE THE UNPRAISED

a laborer in your life

A Pindaric Ode—so named after the Theban poet Pindar—is a poem of praise for someone who has completed some great feat or extraordinary achievement. Think of a worker or laborer in your life and write a poem of praise for them, their preparation, and their work.

Today, I sing the praise of my scientist/doctor friend who treats patients living with infectious diseases in a clinic not far from where I live. 

Her work has always required tremendous knowledge, skill, and ability. Today, her work requires me to surround her — and those she cares for and works with — in safety and protection. 

May her light burn bright in this dark time. May we keep imagining a world free of disease. That is the world she works toward. May resources and strength emerge to guide and hold and support her. 

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EXERCISE 030: REST

take a breather

Write about how good it feels to rest.

Right now, I often cry when I rest. Tears are a sign that I am letting it all out. There is a lot to let out right now. Letting it all out is part of rest. I wrote about the difference between stillness and being stuck. They are not the same thing. Rest feels like stillness to me. When we take off our armor and lay down our sword and shield and stop perpetual dragon slaying. When we take the desire path to a quiet clearing in the woods and sit on our blanket that a friend brought us back from a trip somewhere sometime in the 90s. When we are standing atop a glacier and we simply raise our eyes above the blue ice and clouds and breathe, not planning the next excursion, not setting the next goal, and not missing the wonder of standing on a freaking glacier. Rest, connected to breath, connected to tears, connected to imagining, connected to creating, connected to one another. 

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