Beneath most headaches is a heartache. – Mark Nepo

My Truth About Real Problem Solving

I am “fine.”

I know I am not alone in often hiding my problems under a veil of “fine.” As Nepo points out, we can often use our heads to try to neutralize the pain of heartache. Living in our heads never really allows true problem solving. As much as I try, “fine” never works for me. I wear my truth like a road sign that announces what I am thinking and feeling. My head swims and spirals and shifts backwards and forwards when my heart aches. My stomach does not agree when my head and heart are out of alignment, either. “Fine” is not fine deep down in my soul. Feeling truth deeply is generally a positive thing – alignment is peaceful. Moving toward truth is a challenge I accept. The first step to truly being fine is kindly and gently allowing myself to be not fine. That starts from an honest and loving space in which I quietly and firmly tell fear, judgment, and anger I am in control.

Where’s that magic pill?

Here is the truth, as a sensitive person whose heart lives outside my body in the most expressive state possible most of the time, my desire to numb pain, soften jagged emotional edges, escape the weight of all heavy things, retreat from honest conflict, and run toward all things simple can lead me to look for magic pills. A bottle of wine. Endless news consumption. Psychics (so frequently they know my name when I walk in the door). Mindless eating (which turns in to Fad Diets). The list can go on. Over the last few years I have tried a new approach to a magic pill that allows me to feel through rather than avoid pain. I have actively and intentionally cultivated a gratitude practice in my life. It has helped ease the heartache of the painful times in which we live. It has helped me keep at least one oar in the water of my physical fitness, and made it easier to keep rowing when age and bad habits make it tough to keep the boat going. Most importantly, it has allowed me to find center in the ebb and flow of my relationships with others.

Write from the scar.

As a writer, one of the ways I think my way through pain is through writing. A writer and activist I deeply respect, Glennon Doyle, talks about writing from the scar. This makes sense to me. I challenge myself to write from the scar of my experiences (rather than from my open wounds) – from love not hate, from pride not shame, from humility not ego, from light not dark, from creation not destruction, from truth not lies. Time plays a role in this, but it is also about doing the courageous work of healing. I think that is what Doyle means. Writing from the scar also means that we can use our personal and collective stories, connect with one another, and create love and justice together using our words as a catalyst for feel-it-in-your-bones, soul shaking change. Writing from the scar allows writing to be active engagement between my head and my heart.

https://kitt.global/february-5-beneath-problem-solving-mark-nepo-the-book-of-awakening/