Coming To Terms

[The Stage is on Fire] is a page-turner in which, much like life, there are no easy answers and yet each step of the journey yields insight and hope. This work of heart must not be missed!

Melanie Faith

Creative Writing Teacher, Essayist & Poet.

Katie Steedly’s first-person piece [The Unspeakable Gift] is a riveting retelling of her participation in a National Institutes of Health study that aided her quest to come to grips with her life of living with a rare genetic disorder. Her writing is superb.

The Society of Professional Journalists

In recognition of receiving the Dateline Award for the Washingtonian Magazine essay, The Unspeakable Gift.

I thank you … It is the authenticity of your “class notes”; and it is the delicacy and skill with which you present the nuances of classroom life and the actuality of your students’ and fellow teachers’ lives.

Maxine Greene

Philosopher and Education Scholar

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What is this really about? – A question I learned to ask years ago.

When things get nuts. When I feel like my head is about to explode. When my heart hurts like I have been stabbed. When I am holding on to my rope with my teeth. When my head is so filled with static I can not think or hear. When volcanoes have nothing on my fury. I have to stop and ask the question, “What is this really about?”

“What’s is this really about?”

That question helps me sort things out. It is about coming to terms with the root causes of things and my role in them. It allows time to breathe and to find clarity. It sees beyond blame and white hot anger. It can be hard to remember in the throws of conflict with ourselves or others and probably is not all that useful at those times anyway.

When I ask the question, “What is this really about?” here is what happens.

I analyze what occurred – before, during, and, after – not necessarily what my drama-trained mind might think occurred. I look at my history with the individual and what I know about the individual, in general. I think about why I might have had a strong reaction to what was said or done. I consider what else has happened to me around the person or event, in terms of timeframe and/or context, to cause a reaction. I weigh the other person’s perspective and understand where they might be coming from. To reiterate, this is impossible to do from inside the fire of the situation.

All of this is not easy. It takes practice.

Contemplation can be rife with second guessing and false assumptions. Multiple perspectives make knowing the real answer difficult or even impossible. Consideration can lead to spiraling and more questions, too. Ultimately, peace is never guaranteed. The trick is to take each situation independently and carefully. It is impossible, and probably not desirable to ask, “What is this really about?” in every situation. The question can be a foundation for coming to terms. Coming to terms means moving toward a better understanding of our wounds, other’s wounds, and the wounds of the world so as to make our way in more loving ways each day.

https://kitt.global/july-23-coming-to-terms-mark-nepo-the-book-of-awakening/