Pema Chödrön did not become one of my teachers until I had almost finished writing, but she diagnosed the problem so well that I can no longer say it without her help. We are all so busy constructing zones of safety that keep breaking down, she says, that we hardly notice where all the suffering is coming from. We keep thinking that the problem is out there, in the things that scare us: dark nights, dark thoughts, dark guests, dark emotions. If we could just defend ourselves better against those things, we think, then surely we would feel more solid and secure. But of course we are wrong about that, as experience proves again and again. The real problem has far less to do with what is really out there than it does with our resistance to finding out what is really out there. The suffering comes from our reluctance to learn to walk in the dark.

Barbara Brown Taylor

Suffering comes from our reluctance to learn to walk in the dark. Suffering comes from our reluctance to learn to walk in the dark. Suffering comes from our reluctance to learn to walk in the dark. Let that sink in. Pema Chōdrōn writes that life is a series of falling apart and back together — of attachment and letting go. Light and dark are essential to falling apart and back together.

Here are my thoughts.

In as much as we are at peace with light and dark — and move through light and dark with compassion and kindness — we walk through suffering toward wholeness and joy. In as much as we seek to understand light and dark, and understand what is really out there — rather than resist, deny, or fight the light and dark — learning to walk is the challenge rather than mastering our steps. In as much as the falling apart and back together is a huge, complex, wonderful journey toward love, our light and dark make real, full-throated, open-hearted love possible.