Gospel Music Makes Me Weep: On singing into the I am and the not yet

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Gospel Music Makes Me Weep: On singing into the I am and the not yet

“Spirit of Life, come unto me./ Sing in my heart all the stirrings of compassion./ Blow in the wind, rise in the sea;/ Move in the hand, giving life the shape of justice./ Roots hold me close; wings set me free;/ Spirit of Life, come to me, come to me.” – Carolyn McDade

I already knew I would cry when I read there would be a Gospel choir visiting church that Sunday. Everything about Gospel music makes me weep. Weeping is different than crying because weeping comes from the place in my soul that knows things. Things like — it does not have to be this way and it breaks my heart that it is. Things like — love one another. Full stop. Things like — building the beloved community is painful. Things like — I don’t care why they are scared. Things like — I am so damn angry I could bust.

I first heard “Spirit of Life” at All Souls Church in Washington, DC. I was a member of All Souls for 7 years. Though not really a Gospel song, singing it with others moves me the way Gospel music moves me. Here is a recording of Spirit of Life made by All Souls Church in 2020. Singing “Spirt of Life” with others makes me believe that compassion and justice just might be possible. Singing “Spirit of Life” in Spanish and English, the way All Souls sings the song connects me with the beauty and strength of all languages and people. Singing “Spirit of Life,” thinking about roots and wings, and asking Spirit to come to the parts of ourselves that know love shares life’s load. Singing all together. It is all possible and joyful.

It felt familiar when the Gospel choir started to sing at church that Sunday. I immediately breathed in peace and breathed out love. Gospel music does that. It lives somewhere between joy and sorrow, light and dark, and loss and redemption. It touches us where we hurt and invites us to heal. It tells the story of our collective human experience, making it so we see ourselves in one another.

I weep right now. I weep for the I am. Knowing I am one of many people who feel the pain of our world. I weep for the not yet. Knowing a just and peaceful and loving world may only live in the not yet. Gospel is a balm for the I am and the not yet.

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