I Say Yes When I Mean No

[The Stage is on Fire] is a page-turner in which, much like life, there are no easy answers and yet each step of the journey yields insight and hope. This work of heart must not be missed!

Melanie Faith

Creative Writing Teacher, Essayist & Poet.

Katie Steedly’s first-person piece [The Unspeakable Gift] is a riveting retelling of her participation in a National Institutes of Health study that aided her quest to come to grips with her life of living with a rare genetic disorder. Her writing is superb.

The Society of Professional Journalists

In recognition of receiving the Dateline Award for the Washingtonian Magazine essay, The Unspeakable Gift.

I thank you … It is the authenticity of your “class notes”; and it is the delicacy and skill with which you present the nuances of classroom life and the actuality of your students’ and fellow teachers’ lives.

Maxine Greene

Philosopher and Education Scholar

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I Say Yes When I Mean No

I say yes when I mean no

and the wrinkle grows

– Naomi Shihab Nye

Why do I say yes when I mean no?

I say yes when I mean no when I stare fear in the eyes.

It doesn’t have to be big scary fear. My fear of rollercoasters does not prevent me from going on small ones, ones that do not go upside down or have a huge drop. My fear of heights does not prevent me from looking out over our 40th story balcony of hiking to high altitudes. My fear of going to the dentist does not prevent me from going. In each of these instances I say yes to things that, on the surface, might be a no if I did not weigh the consequences.

I say yes when I mean no when I am in a full on run away from anger.

Perhaps my fear is situational. I can handle things like rollercoasters, heights, and dentists, but put me in a situation where I have to handle anger I often run the other direction. My fear of anger is getting better with practice. I have been practicing talking through my anger before it erupts, or even stopping an eruption and letting the lava cool before massive relationship damage is done. Breathing helps. Trusting myself and those around me that we are safe and can talk without hurting each other allows me to say yes or no from an authentic space.

I say yes when I mean no when I am separated from my strength.

I am separated from my strength when I feel I have lost my power in a situation. Saying yes when I mean no is a powerless response. How do I lose my power? Emotional fatigue? Hard life lessons (loss, disappointment, failure, betrayal, defeat)? Pressure on myself to be a person who says yes to life? Equating strength with doing? Doubt? I simply know that I say yes when I mean yes when I feel powerful.

I say yes when I mean no when I fail to be present to my body and mind.

This is the wisdom and ability that comes from steady commitment to training my body and mind. When I am training and treating my body well, I am much more likely to give a real yes or no because my mind is clear. My boundaries are defined. Training allows me to be present to my body, and being present to my body creates honesty. Being honest is the heart of authentically saying yes and no.

I say yes when I mean no when I do not listen to that still small voice.

We all have a still small voice. The voice that says act from kindness. The voice that says be still and know. The voice that says listen before responding. The voice that says breathe. Listening to the still small voice, living in truth and integrity, keeps life’s wrinkles from growing.