[At eighty] “One has seen triumphs and tragedies, booms and busts, revolutions and wars, great achievements and deep ambiguities. One has seen grand theories rise, only to be toppled by stubborn facts. One is more conscious of transience and, perhaps, of beauty. At eighty, one can take a long view and have a vivid, lived sense of history not possible at an earlier age. I can imagine, feel in my bones, what a century is like, which I could not do when I was forty or sixty.”

– Oliver Sacks, in Gratitude

I have been searching for the long view lately. I re-read Oliver Sacks collection of essays, Gratitude. He wrote the first essay, entitled, “Mercury,” on the occasion of his eightieth birthday. Sacks, a lauded scientist and author, writes a list of things he wished he had accomplished during his eighty years of life. He recalls his patients who reflect that they have lived a complete life and are ready to pass. He questions the concepts of postmortem existence and a “complete” life. He offers the hope that he will love and work (“the two most important things, Freud insisted, in life”) for a few more years.

The essay is entitled “Mercury,” as mercury is the 80th element in the periodic table. It was Sacks’ custom to intertwine elements and birthdays his entire life. He relates that on his 11th birthday he declared himself sodium, and gold on his 79th. (I am also a namer of birthdays, particularly birthdays that have a zero.) Sacks’ choice to name birthdays after elements makes sense to me. It feels like an annual reminder that we are all part of the earth, air, and sky — a kind of elemental gratitude.

Approaching 50 — still too young to truly understand history and be present to transience and beauty, but a faithful student of gratitude — Sacks’ words offer insight, inspiration and hope. I can be grateful for the ability to love and work. Life seems less cruel and fixed and permanent when I begin to think about a time when I will be able to feel in my bones what a century is like.

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