Dear NEEAAReSt and Dearest,

Mother’s Day is always difficult for me. 

It often seems like a cocktail of grief and sadness with a twist of regret. A few years ago, on Mother’s Day, I started writing a weekly “letter” (blog post) to you, the young people in my family. They are my NEEAAReST and Dearest posts. Not having given birth to a child, understanding my path to motherhood is wide, expansive, and inclusive, and loving to write, I decided writing a weekly “letter” to you for a year was one place I could channel my motherly thoughts and musings and love. Once a week for 52 weeks, I write down a few things I want to say to you from the bottom of my heart. I have covered everything from the first day of school to apologizing, competition, and much more. (I am not sure how many of them you all have read, but I hope you someday will.)

Counsel From Your Ultimate Teacher

I took a writing course a few years ago, and one of our assignments was entitled “Counsel From Your Ultimate Teacher.” Martha Beck, the course’s teacher, views our ultimate teacher as our inner truth. This assignment is a universal invitation to celebrate Mother’s Day and the end of my NEEAAReSt and Dearest writing challenge by considering what I have learned this year about my inner truth. 

Here is what my ultimate teacher taught me this year.

Keep a soft heart.

In this world that might seem to reward hard edges, fake veneers, and a fast pace, ensure your heart stays soft. A soft heart does not judge—a soft heart giggles. A soft heart is vulnerable. A soft heart offers fear a warm embrace. A soft heart’s love is fierce and sacred. Find safe places to crumble, cry, be angry, and cuss and fail. Find safe places to dance and listen and think and smile. Those soft places are where real strength lives and grows and blooms.

Gratitude matters.

I have been writing about gratitude for a long time. I have only shared a bit about what I have learned about gratitude in my NEEAAReSt and Dearest posts. What I know for sure is that living gratefully has changed my life. I can see the beauty in my world in ways I did not know were possible. I have witnessed acts of gratitude multiply and ripple and change the essence of relationships. I have seen cruelty in cruel times fall away when embraced by appreciation. One of my favorite prayers, from Meister Eckhart, says, “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you. It will be enough.” I believe that with my entire being.

Know your truth.

I did not think about my truth when I was your age. (That is not to say I did not know about things like right and wrong, telling the truth or telling lies, and treating others like I want to be treated.) I have always known my truth, and I have always felt sick when I violated it. My head and my heart hurt. I am at a place where, when I don’t live truthfully, I right my ship as quickly as I can. Righting the ship is essential. My hope for you is that you know your truth, live by your truth, and share that truth with the world. It needs it.

Forgive often.

I have recently concluded (as Don Henley once sang, but I know you are too young to know about Don Henley) that it’s about forgiveness. Our capacity to forgive ourselves and others sets us free from so much of life’s crap. Our capacity to forgive is an original blessing, in the truest sense of the word, blessing as an offering of love to ourselves and others. I am not trying to make forgiveness sound easy. Forgiveness can taste like sour milk left outside in the sun on a hot afternoon. Uttering words of forgiveness can be painful. Forgiveness is worth it. Forgiveness and truth dwell together. Forgiveness offers hope in an imperfect world.

To Our Mothers

As we start another year around a post-Mother’s Day sun, know that you each are seen and loved. Thank you to my Mother, Grandmothers, and Mothers of all definitions. Thank you. Thank you.

Love,

Katie