Note: Today’s task on my Precision Nutrition journey involved reflecting over my personal fitness journey. I have participated in a cleanse program, trained for road races of all distances, tried numerous weight loss programs, worked with trainers one-on-one, and joined many gyms (as the story below will describe). I know I am not the only one’s whose fitness journey has seen peaks and valleys, success and failure, and round pegs tried in square holes. This post continues my look back as I move forward. Getting to the gym, today, right now, is a bit complicated. It looks like home equipment and following video instruction. Regardless, I am recommitting to getting to the gym.

In 2018, I joined a gym. It was probably the 175th time I have done so. This story usually starts with the fact that I weigh more now than I ever have. (Escalating weight and overall anxiety are generally the initial drivers for joining.) The story continues with the mantras that “I am too [fill in the raison du jour] to be fit.” “Everything I have done in the past has failed.”  – or – “I am playing with a stacked genetic deck.”

I always start strong. Positive. Optimistic. Energized. Hopeful. That is for a few weeks. If it takes six weeks to develop a habit, I have an adulthood of habits that last about six weeks. I have an adulthood of two steps forward and three steps back. I have done everything I have been told to do, while I am being told to do it. I have found exercises I love to do. I have hired coaches who are just the right balance of inspiration and perspiration. I have found healthy food I love to eat. I have had heart-to-heart conversations with bottles of wine in an effort to establish healthy boundaries. I have done all that to make good on the promise I make to myself each time I plop down money at a gym.

What happens in my head between signing up and petering out? I don’t want to think it is all about a lack of discipline, will power, or strength. That seems like a cop out somehow. I don’t want to simply resign myself to an unhealthy life. I don’t want to be that person who commits, again and again, to losing weight and never ever does. I want to live the second half of my life (which I am now in, if the good Lord is willing and the creek don’t rise) in good health.

I have a few thoughts as to why the 176th time will be different.

Our outsides start with our insides

There have been a few times in my life when things have purred right along. When my stars align. When I achieve huge goals. Those have been the times when my body has been at its best. When I have energy. When I look the way I want to look. Getting to the gym, consistently, makes more than just my body look and feel good. It clears my mind and heart. That is what I need to remember as I create new habits and tear away the parts of my nerves that are buried beneath layers of negative emotions and fears and sadness that suffocate  positive change.

I want to be strong to stand strong

We are living in crazy times. Those times can either makes us turn inward toward depression, sadness, and fear, or turn outward and fight like hell. I choose to fight like hell. I chose to turn these times into jet fuel for the engine of my best health. The gym is my path to the fight. The gym is my path to the light. Darkness can not overcome light. Shining my light starts in the gym.

I am not ready but I am doing it anyway

Marie Forleo’s B-School introduced me to the idea of starting before we are ready. In this context, starting before I am ready means just getting to the gym. Getting to the gym before I have time on my calendar. Getting to the gym before I feel at my best. Getting to the gym before I know how to use all the equipment. Just get there, and get there, and get there, and get there.