I (Katie/Greg) take you (Greg/Katie)/to be my partner, companion, confidant and friend./I promise to walk with you hand-in-hand./To listen with my entire heart,/awake to the beauty of your world./To be courageous, vulnerable and honest,/always grateful for your precious love./I promise to support your dreams/and help you become everything you are meant to be./Together we will create a home/filled with compassion, understanding, patience and love.

– Katie and Greg Curling – vows stated Sept. 19, 2015 at All Souls Unitarian, Washington, D.C.

Writing Our Vows

We wrote our vows on the way from Cincinnati to Washington DC. three days before our wedding. We made our way in our rented minivan that did not have an inch to spare between wedding favors, 2 huge suitcases, a painting, a wedding dress, and wedding stuff. I powered up my lap top and started the discussion about our vows as Greg drove.

We knew that we wanted to write our own vows. We had looked around and had not found any vows that said what we wanted to say. We did not want to state traditional vows. We wanted our vows to be a positive affirmation of our commitment to one another. We wanted our vows to be personal. We were not sure exactly how they were supposed to be said, but we knew we wanted a back-and-forth conversation guided by our minister.

We started sharing ideas. As a writer, I felt a bit of pressure to come up with the perfect words. Greg and I talked through our ideas and tried to find the best way to state our promise to one another. I came up with phrases. Greg chimed in. This back-and-forth continued, on and off, for several hours. We completed a draft of the vows, pulled in to a McDonald’s, connected with the internet, and sent them to our minister. We thought we were done. It was only Wednesday afternoon, and we did not have to rehearse until Friday afternoon.

At The Church

We arrived at the rehearsal Friday afternoon. Immediately, our minister pulled us aside and told us we had sent him the wrong document. So, we rehearsed general vows and I sent our minister the correct vows after the rehearsal dinner that night. The minister organized the vows and sent them to me Saturday morning. I forwarded the email to Greg. I would not see Greg until I walked down the aisle. I read the vows. I rehearsed with my Maid of Honor while my make-up was being put on. I cried. I practiced some more. I cried. I messed up my make-up. They fixed it. I headed to the church.

The moment to state our vows during the ceremony arrived. I had read and rehearsed the vows. Greg had not realized what I had forwarded him was any different than what we had sent the minister, so he had not rehearsed. The words were the same, the minister had just organized them in the way he would talk us through them. In the end, it all worked out. We listened to the minister and stated the vows clearly and directly.

Thoughts On Vows

Creating the vows together, and stating them in front of our friends and family, was more than an affirmation of our love – it was truly a coming together of heart and intention and hope and love. I am not sure if I ever understood the power of vows. The whole thing. Creating them. Sharing them. Living by them. As the years have gone by, our vows serve as a guide post. I read them and feel the joy of the moment. I read them and think about how well we are living up to the promise they hold. I read them and they return me to center – direction when my North Star dims.