KSC: For what are you most grateful?

JLS: You know, I went home most recently, and I had a moment of just being grateful for where I am from. How my surroundings, and those people, my family, and the people who brought me up, my friends, and people around me, and how that kind of made me. It was a really interesting juxtaposition, with the election happening, being frustrated with a lot of things I saw on Facebook, and, you know, things I did not expect certain people to say that surprised me and upset me. When I go home, I definitely have moments where I think, ‘Wow I am not aligned in terms of how I think about many things with these people that I love so much,’ but in that same moment, I really had that realization this trip that these people are me. I am them. I am a product of where I came from. Definitely. I [have] been fortunate enough to travel and be exposed to so many people from all around the world, and so many ways of thinking. Just the chance to get out. That is just something I am very grateful for. Well, I guess it is a balance of both. I am super grateful and appreciative of where I come from, and I love where I am from, but in the same right, I am also exceptionally grateful for the chances I have had, and the opportunity I have had to expand my horizons, and see things from a different perspective, and balance it with what I [was]raised with.

KSC: How do you find that peace? How do you be grateful for home and something other than home? How does that happen?

JLS: I try not to over analyze it. I just try to take things for what they are. Be appreciative of the people and the place [where] I am at the moment. So, I don’t feel like there is too much to look into in that regard. The people that I know and love at my home, that is who they are, and I accept them for who they are. I hope they accept me for who I am. While there are disagreements, and you know that is very difficult. I am gay, and my family, and certain members of my family, don’t necessarily feel comfortable with that. My political beliefs are different. We can very much disagree on a lot of those issues. I feel like that could be a driving force that could separate people from each other. So, in that regard, I try not to over analyze it or look into it too deeply. They are who they are. I am who I am. We may disagree on things, but at the end of the day it is the love that we have for each other that makes me feel appreciative of them. In the same way, when I am away or working on a show where I get to travel somewhere, I feel like every person that is in your life has something to give. We give and take from each other and that makes it all better. That is why I also feel like everyone deserves that chance. Everyone deserves that chance to give you a little piece of themselves, and for you to be open to that. To pick up from every person a little lesson every time you interact with someone

I love music. I love how when you listen to a song it transports you to another place. You are listening to a song and it completely changes your mood. I am a super sucker for lyrics. I like to listen to a song and analyze the lyrics. I like to listen to a song fifty times in a row. I have certain songs that I call my grateful songs. They are just songs that help center me and help me just kind of come together. It can be a humbling moment. A quiet moment. Just to kind of chill.

I was nineteen, so I had been in Cirque a year. I had been on tour in the Asia Pacific (Australia and Singapore) and I was home on a tour break. Driving where I am from in Texas, it is completely flat as far as the eye can see. There was nothing, and “Pachelbel’s Canon in D” came on. It is such a beautiful song, and in that moment, I just had this overwhelming sense of just being so grateful. Of just looking around and seeing the beauty in the nothingness. I was driving in a car that my dad loaned me while I was home, thinking that I am going back on tour to Australia in four days, and at nineteen having this, “I am so fortunate to be able to do all of this” feeling. So, I find music helps me a lot in that when I am driving in my car, things are quiet, and I just put on a song and I just have a moment of it. A joyous moment. An overwhelming feeling of, “Wow! there is so much to be grateful for.”

KSC: How do you practice gratitude?

JLS: I feel like I can definitely thank my parents for teaching me respect and to be grateful at a young age. Not being spoiled and understanding that I am very fortunate to have wonderful parents that I feel raised me with that sensibility. Then in terms of my everyday life, it is just finding the joy in the little things, and in details. Just the smallest things. We were talking about this at work the other day. Actually, the guy I am going to pick up from his surgery. I have been doing this [Cirque] a long time, and he was asking me how does this not get repetitive when you do the same show 470 times a year? I was explaining, even when you are not doing your act, which is exciting and fun, when you are doing the simplest of cues, or when you are just standing on the stage, when you look around and start to see the big picture of all that is around you, and all the little pieces that make it come together. There is a light that you did not notice before, and it is a moving light and it is a color that is so incredible, or it is someone’s costume, or you start to watch everyone else on stage, or you watch the little nuances in their performances. It is all so magical

KSC: It sounds like you are practicing awareness. Being aware of things, and seeing new things or seeing things anew, or seeing things for the first time when you have seen it 100 times. It is stepping outside yourself. If you are not present, can you be grateful? When you are scurrying and jumping around and in the day-to-day chaotic whatever we do, how are we grateful in those moments?

JLS: That is an excellent point. When I have finished a hectic day, and it has been go go go, and all of these things are happening, and I am just in my car driving, and I am alone, and I have a moment to just take it all in, and be humble, and at that moment I feel I am exceptionally grateful. I feel like those moments are important. I feel like I can play my music in the morning, that moment of centering before I start my day. At the end of the day, when the day is finished and I am driving home, and I just have this moment of ‘wow that was a really good day.’

KSC: Are we able to learn how to notice that light in the show, or that person’s performance, or is it just a muscular thing? When we work out we get stronger. Can we practice noticing?

JLS: I think it is. I think it is a choice people make. The little things. Say hello to everyone in the building, or to the attendant that cares for your costume. Thank them for doing their job. I think people get so stuck inside their heads, and me me me. But if you just take that moment. Just stop and realize it is not all about you. In fact, all of this around you is there to support you. You are just a piece of this. No one is any better than you. No one is any better than anyone else. We are all in this together. We are all working toward the same goal. Everyone plays their part.

KSC: What do we learn through theatre about the worth of one another and the unique role we each play in the world? That kind of inherent lesson that when you are part of a cast or part of a show. When you are creating a living breathing event that people respond to.

JLS: When you are part of a creation. When you are making it all together. There is that beautiful moment that you were speaking of. The camaraderie with doing this together. This is ours. That sometimes makes it difficult at Cirque. These shows have been running for some of them twenty years. You have people that come in and either have not done a creation, or they are new and they are not part of the machine, or the process of making it together. Of course, once they are on the show every day, we make a show. Everyone plays their part, but that is sometimes where that gratitude and understanding is lost. I see it with younger people. I think, ‘Wow! Do you realize where you are? Do you realize how lucky you are? Yes. You have worked hard and all of these things, but there is so much to be grateful for. To get to do this every night, and this lovely person that is helping you take your costume on and off, and take care of your costume has worked just as hard as you have in their respective field.’ At times, to see people just throw a costume on the floor, or pass it off and not say thank you, or not even acknowledge them. It is really frustrating. Really maddening. It brings down the overall morale of everyone and that is just a lack of respect and a lack of gratitude.

KSC: Is there a connection between creativity and gratitude?

JLS: Absolutely. It is being able to appreciate all the things around you, and drawing from all of it. I think creativity is this incredible moment for your brain to step open and for things [to] pour in and things pour out. I feel like the only way you are able to receive any of that is if you are able to stop and take it all in and be grateful for them. I think creativity and gratitude are most definitely tied together. Understanding what you can make with all these things that you are exposed to, with whatever gifts that you may possess.

KSC: That is the combination of gratitude and humility and thankfulness and heart.

JLS: I am not owed anything. I have to work for everything. I have to keep working. No one owes me anything. The payout is up to you.

KSC: Those creative moments are so few and far between. They are such gifts.

JLS: You buy a seed. You want the seed to grow. You have to give it everything that it needs. It needs proper soil. It needs light. It needs water. It needs all of these ingredients. All of these essential pieces. Sunlight to make this plant grow and be what it will be. We are the same way in terms of our personal growth. You need all of these things around you. These moments from people. This willingness to stay open and be grateful. If you are able to take in all of these things around you, all of these essential elements, really take them in, and accept them, and give back. You continue to grow as a person. I feel that is just this infinite cycle. If you have a creative mind you are drawing from that as well. It continues to stay creative. It doesn’t get starved with a sadness, or a rut, or all the things that can stifle creativity.

As hard as it is, at times when you are really down, or something horrible has happened. Krista [a previous mentor/boss] and I explored this idea, that beauty in the breakdown, where you look back at your life and think ‘That was horrible,’ and then you understand, ‘Well when this happened to me there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and now coming out of that I learned all of these things that helped bring me to where I am today.’ So, I am also grateful.

Read more about Justin Lawrence Sullivan here . . .