overcome by the stink of mildewed wash, I have/ been three months behind in my rent for thirty years.

Wanda Coleman, Things No One Knows

We all have a list of things no one knows. Of secrets. Of blindspots. Of sensitive subjects. Of wrong turns. I remember learning about the Johari window and about things that are known and unknown to ourselves and others. I remember thinking how the known and unknown was both mysterious and comforting.

I suspect we have all been overcome by the stink of mildewed wash at one time or another. I suspect we all have been three months behind in our rent at one time or another. I suspect we all carry the weight of stink, debt, and maybe even shame and regret and pain.

The idea the we are all just navigating laundry and rent the best way we can makes sense to me. The idea that grace and personal responsibility do a delicate dance makes sense to me. The idea that forgiveness and compassion are virtues makes sense to me, too.

The things no one knows connect us. Let me explain. Safely sharing our stories connects us. For sure. Lifting the weight of secrets can allow us to heal. But what if simply knowing we all have things no one knows and must treat each tenderly (for that reason and many others) guides our actions. In that way, the things no one knows connect us to something beyond shame and regret and pain through the path of kindness. Think of the connection as a comforting, communal deep breath.