trans·for·ma·tion

• a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance
• a metamorphosis during the life cycle of an animal.
• the induced or spontaneous change of one element into another by a nuclear process.

My word of the year usually grows from things I want to think about, do, be, or become. My word of the year is usually something I want to chew on and digest during the next year. I think about what word I want to choose for a long time before I decide because I have to choose the right word. My word a few years ago was transformation. The word transformation comes up a lot in thinking about lifestyle choices, New Year resolutions, and future goals.

What I know for sure about transformation.

We have the power we seek.

Transformation is less about creating new selves and more about finding our essential selves buried beneath pain, regret, grief, and loneliness. Transformation is about remembering we are powerful, beautiful, strong, vulnerable, humble, quiet, loud, intelligent, and complex. A quote attributed to Marianne Williamson, which I love, speaks to our power: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.” Transformation is about embracing our fear, holding it gently, moving through it, and being our light.

I am fascinated by butterflies.

As a woman living with Turner syndrome, butterflies are symbolic to me. Little girls who are born with Turner syndrome are often referred to as “Butterflies.” Long before I knew that I loved butterflies. I have always loved the metamorphosis that butterflies undergo inside the chrysalis. I love their journey of flapping and growing and strengthening that happens before they can break through their chrysalis and fly. Their wings must be strong enough to carry them before they launch into the world. They fight and dance and breathe in the chrysalis to make it so. Once their wings are ready, they fly. The fire to fly is always present in a butterfly’s soul.

Transformation is elemental.

As the definition suggests, transformation is elemental. Elements transform into other elements via the nuclear processes of collision, separation, and interaction. Personal transformation, in nuclear terms, means our essential selves change when we transform. We fundamentally transform through collision, separation, and interaction. We fundamentally transform through reaching out and looking in. We fundamentally transform through keeping our hearts soft.

Like peeling an onion.

True transformation is like peeling an onion. True transformation unfolds layer upon layer. Decisions, choices, twists and turns, hills and valleys are layers. Relationship, circumstance, history, and context are layers. Presence, awareness, experience, and thought are layers. We peel the layers and find our essential self.

We are not yet.

Transformation never ends. Maxine Greene and other philosophers talk about the idea that we are not yet. We are always doing, becoming, unfolding, learning, and changing. As sure as each breath we breathe, we are transforming. As sure as each step we take, we are transforming. As sure as each decision we make, we are transforming. We are meant to be amazed at the shape we take when shape itself has been transformed.